


Late Night Thoughts

by Emanemmy12



Series: How Two Halves Become a Whole [11]
Category: Person of Interest (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-05
Updated: 2015-01-05
Packaged: 2018-03-05 12:07:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3119606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emanemmy12/pseuds/Emanemmy12
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt: Root getting insecure about Shaw's love for her. (I took a few liberties with this)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Late Night Thoughts

Root gazed upwards at the dark ceiling. She hated these nights. The ones where she was frozen awake by a brain that hated to let her sleep. They didn’t happen as much as they used to, not since the Machine kept her mostly exhausted enough to fall down at any moment, but these nights still came. Even with Shaw snoring beside her. Root rolled her eyes, amused that a top secret agent from he government was a snorer. She’d learnt that on their first night together and wisely hadn’t said a single thing. Root enjoyed breathing a bit too much to tease Shaw in that way. She knew where the lines were. They were silently traced in the sand between them. Root turned, flipping onto her side and stared at the sleeping figure next to her. On some nights she would reach out and wake the other woman with a gentle kiss or dipping her hands beneath the covers for a bit more of an exciting wake up call. But not tonight. Tonight was for her mind to sit back and wander. 

There were many things to think about. The death of Samaritan, the state of the world, even the existence of the Machine, but no, her brain had decided to pick on the one thing in her life that Root could actually screw up. She gave a soft sigh. How was it that Shaw could even claim that she loved her? It wasn’t that the woman hadn’t proved just how much she cared for her. It wasn’t about Shaw’s ability to feel love. It was that Root still couldn’t believe that someone who now knew everything there was to know about her was capable of loving her. By all of the standards that she had learnt as a child, Root was a bad person. If she was ever caught by the police she would be in jail for life at least five times. Though that, she had to admit, she was slightly impressed with herself for. Root had a very complex morality that annoyingly had found itself turned on it’s side all thanks to the Machine. This left her feeling a bit confused as to where she was. There was no way that she could ever save enough people to make up for what she’d done in the name of greed and masking her pain. Yes, she could admit that for sure. Her actions were spurred by the death of her friend and exacerbated by her own faulty logic. Because her Bad Code way of thinking was flawed. She could see that now. 

How could Sameen Shaw, someone who had spent her whole life in the service of others and trying to help, love someone who had done just the opposite until recently? Root had some serious doubts that what ran between them was truly something that was sustainable. She wanted it to be, but everything in her mind told her that it was illogical. Root rolled back to face the black of the ceiling and watched the darkness dance before her eyes. There seemed to be these little particles that swam around with little or no direction. She had watched them many times when she was younger and so often she felt like it would be so easy to just reach out and join them. Become something so small and insignificant that she faded with the day. It would be easy. Even with the people who cared about her. There were so few. But the Machine would find her. Root gave a soft groan in frustration. She was sick of trying to run from her problems, even if it was a problem that she was causing for herself. She knew it was. 

Just as she came back to musing on just why Shaw loved her, an arm came flying across her chest and landed on top of it with a thump. Apparently even in her sleep, Sameen had recognized her lover’s distress. Shaw’s head rammed into Root’s shoulder and then she relaxed back into a peaceful sleep. Root had gritted her teeth at the double impact and gave an exasperated look to the sky. Leave it to her girlfriend to accidentally try to bludgeon her in the night while asleep. It was rather endearing, actually. A bit less so when a snore shook Root’s working ear. Which was impressive because Shaw was on the wrong side for that sort of thing. But there were worse things. Root knew that she adored the woman who was now also drooling on her shoulder. Everything she thought about besides the Machine was Shaw related, almost. What exactly was stoping her? Most likely it was her fear of losing what she already had. Yes, that seemed right. She didn’t want to lose the happiness that she had found in Shaw. Root turned her head and placed a kiss onto Shaw’s head. The only response to that was a bit more drool and Root shut her eyes.

She loved her. She loved this woman more than anything and Root wasn’t entirely sure when that had happened. It had all started out as a game, to see what sort of reactions she could get out of Shaw and now it was all encompassing and it was terrifying. How could she stand to lose this? But there were two ways to do that. One was to stay still and the other was to go forward. Root knew that. But the fact was it was more likely that things would go sour if she forced them to stay where Shaw was waiting for her. She’d seen enough romantic movies to know how these things worked. Root had never been in a true relationship before this either. They were both flying blind in something that for other people would be mundane and simple. But not for them, not with what they did for a living and certainly not with their pasts. There was just too much. Root made the decision right there. She’d tell Shaw. Screw feeling insecure and uncertain. These were things that happened all the time. Truly if Shaw hadn’t seen something in her then she wouldn’t have allowed them to be together. Root may have started the flirtation, but it was Sameen who had opened the doors to the possibility of them actually being together and for that Root was forever grateful. 

Root could feel the weight on her eyelids now and her mind seemed satisfied with her solution for now. She knew that she would still be insecure and doubt both herself and Shaw, but perhaps next time she’d ask for help. She wasn’t alone anymore. The whole team was there for her in a way that Root was so unused to. She had found a safety net that wouldn’t fade away and wouldn’t let her down like her first ones had. How novel of a concept. This was truly home. Shaw gave a deep snort and dipped her head, nose hitting Root’s skin and yes that was a bit of snot. Root would have shaken her head, but that would have awoken her partner and she didn’t want to get chastised for not sleeping. With a final glance to the ceiling, Root felt something settle in her chest. It was a strange feeling, but it wasn’t bad. Sleep claimed her then, halfway through a thought.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you all so much for being so supportive by the way. I know I've been posting these like nuts!


End file.
